Ok so as I’m writing this I’m tired, drained, emotional, could burst into tears at the drop of a hat. I’ve given too much of myself away this week. I will try and explain, I have been doing workshops this week and sleeping in hotels, I feel physically drained I think from a lack of sleep/lighter sleep, from the stress of travelling, I worry about driving places I don’t know. I feel sometimes like my energy just gets taken away with these things and I’m just feeling brain fog and unable to think clearly and work clearly. I struggle to shift the balance with my energy feeling guilty about rest, feeling guilty about saying no to work and to helping people and seeing people, even friends and family. As someone who leans more towards the introvert side of the spectrum, spending a lot of time around people I feel I absorb their energy/moods/feelings. I have to be really careful not to mix too much working (with others not just when I’m in creative mode alone!) and socialising. A couple of things have been really key for me this week, my strengths and my mindfulness practice but I could have done so much more and I’m sharing this in the hope it will helps others be kind to themselves. I’m not even sure if writing this I am now being kind to myself at all as I’m beating myself up about not being kind which in turn isn’t kind?! Oh I’m confused!
I’ve been away from home all week and as someone who grapples with anxiety, deep sleep in a place where my body/brain doesn’t feel safe is near impossible. I’ve also not had any time for exercise and thinking about it I did feel better when I went for a walk Wednesday night. As I sit here writing this close to tears I’ve realised all the things I recommend others do for themselves I’ve not done as much this week as I’ve felt guilty about it, feeling they are self indulgent somehow. I’ve felt that somehow everyone else is able to ‘push through’ stuff and I should be the same and to need to take more time for me is self indulgent.
But as I’m writing this and even as I feel this this is negative or whingey and unlike my usual writing I realise I have come a long way. A few years ago I wouldn’t have noticed I felt this way, I would have continued pushing through, thinking that my neck problems or hotel beds are the reason for me feeling this way, seeing everyone around me pushing through and doing it myself too, excusing being overweight, excusing being tired for just being the way it is, or needing more caffeine.
Things are different for me now, although this week has been a drain on me I have enjoyed it, I have had time where I have helped others and I’m really grateful for this opportunity, whether it was helping people find out and use their strengths at the start of the week or helping people better understand coaching and how powerful it can be. Even though I enjoy these things I need to be kind that they will still drain my energy and when I say things are different its definitely the Mindfulness which has helped. I don’t think without Mindfulness I would had been able to recognise the impact of this week on my energy, the impact of not being kind to myself. One thing I did do this week was to keep up my Mindfulness practice, its such an ingrained habit now that I feel like I’ve lost an arm or a leg if I don’t have it. It helped me to check in and ask what I needed, which is why the walk happened Wednesday night, so being really honest I was a bit kind to myself! I also ate a really healthy salad today and have tried to eat as many fruit and vegetables as I could (those who travel a lot will know how hard this is!). Also a big shout out to my lovely friend Rosie for cooking me a wonderful Tagine after I had had hotel food all week 😊.
I’ve also as I said been using my strengths this week so although I may have felt drained or uncomfortable in situations this week they have grown me and I’m sure will make me a better person because of them ‘growth’ strength and as I’m sat here right now I’m tapping into ‘writer’ strength which is helping me get my energy back as I’m writing this!
How do you feel about your energy? Are you aware of what energises and depletes your energy? Do you use strengths and mindfulness? Would love to hear about your energy nourishing tips!